Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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