Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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