He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you will always have a special place in my vag
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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