I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize