Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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