just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
