Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
