sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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