if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
