David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
