By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
