i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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