wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can't just leave with hair like that
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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