Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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