we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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