6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
