Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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