Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
