I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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