whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
