Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
