There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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