there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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