You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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