he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
