alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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