i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
time to smoke my breakfast
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize