My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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