oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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