Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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