Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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