i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
