i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
