if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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