I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
