Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
