My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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