Need sex. Gaining weight.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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