Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i will never coherently bang her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
