Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
