i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize