When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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