someone get that fucking seahorse.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
