I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
