you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
