he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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