It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
