He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
