I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i believe in u and ur pee
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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