You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
