I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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