o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
