i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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