When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
