Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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