no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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