umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
