I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
