woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
