DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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